going coastal

You know those mornings you wake up with weight in your chest and panic crawling along your skin, yeah…not a great way to start what needed to be an incredibly productive day. And I am way to good at giving myself ludicrous time constraints on fabulously large commitments. My anxiety had got the best of me. NOT FAIR, I was sleeping for God sakes! It snuck up on me, startled me and then sat on my chest until I couldn’t breathe.

I tried to ignore it. I am pretty good at it by now. But not this day. No way. No how. I couldn’t get its nasty hold to relinquish its grip on my brains. So I did what everyone else does. Pack your bags and go.

Leave my responsibilities on my door step.

And run.

Well…actually drive.

Fast. And loud. And let it all out.

I needed the bigger then me ocean. LIKE NOW.

 And along the way I numbered my fears, counted my losses, and you know what…

after I finally mourned it all,

I wasn’t any more relieved or less scared but just ready. Ready to accept everything that was unknown and all that I can’t control. Some mornings you get a monster on your chest. But you woke up. And that there is a gift.

Awareness and cognition, for better or worse.

-Black

(my survival pack is found below: gargantuan beach bag + maxi dress fit for driven’ + one mens button up + man repelling one piece swimsuit + one  vintage quilt (because what you lay on must be as cute as you are) + the best smelling sunscreen for only $2.50 at a Walgreen’s near you + a gas station pair of aviators + sun hat + school work #idontleavethehousewithoutitevereverever)

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